A while back I did a blogpost about a few of my favorite things. While many of those are the same I’ve changed over the past year and a half. I’ve grown stronger in certain aspects of my life and weaker in others. I found my new favorite cup of coffee, iced vanilla latte, and at the moment I want everything in my room to be starch white but I just can’t seem to let go of the periwinkle blue walls that are oh so calming. I’m in love with Frank Sinatra’s music. I have still not seen “Breakfast at Tiffanys”, or any of the Star Wars movies. I think I’ve discovered that my favorite sent of candle is sandalwood. I’ve rediscovered my love for writing but often times my love for Greys Anatomy gets in the way of me actually writing things down. That’s another thing, I’ve recently watched all episodes of Greys Anatomy and am on my second time re watching the episodes. Yes I understand how big of an accomplishment this is but, I often times find myself thinking I know how to do things medically that I obviously don’t know how to do. My mom discourages me randomly yelling “clear” and “push another epi” when someone does something as small as sneezes or trying to use words like hematoma in casual conversation. For those of you who don’t know, I recently graduated high school so now I find myself saying “oh don’t worry I have a high school diploma” in situations where it doesn’t apply. On a more serious note, I have found myself constantly wondering what the future holds and feeling a little bit lost within myself if I’m being honest here. Where I will be this time next year. What does God have in store for me. I don’t know and obviously he does but I’ve been praying for a lot of peace because if I’m being completely honest with not only myself but you, I’m terrified. Will I want to come home every weekend? Will I never want to leave again? Will I ever be the same? Do people sleep in college? Will I fit in? Why are community bathrooms a thing? Will people like me? Is church different? Can I make friends that believe the same things I do? Will I make a difference on the University of Mississippi’s campus? What if I’m not good enough? All of these questions will be answered over time for me. But for right now I just have to sit, wait, and pray. A lot. I said in the beginning of this that I’ve grown stronger and weaker. I have grown weaker in a sense that I’ve lost myself a little recently. I have let myself down by not loving myself as much as I love others. I haven’t given myself the respect or time that I gave others. But I’ve grown stronger, in the midst of a lot of hectic things going on I learned how to juggle a lot of things and go with the flow. I am learning to love the little things all over again. Things like a summer rain storm, a simple harmony, laughter, and random acts of kindness are just a few of the things I stop and admire now. I am working on growing in a way that is completely new for me. I’m taking on a new perspective on life and I hope you will join me for this journey.
Thanks for reading!
xoxo, Emma Rose